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Author:  Stannis [ 05 Feb 2019, 23:36 ]
Post subject:  Re: Depression

alwayslate wrote:
I wish I knew any answer. I know that most self-help books are terrible and should be burned... maybe there are good ones, but they are few and far in between.

Psychiatrists are awful to deal with. The only use for them is to supply drugs. Unfortunately you might be dragged through sessions of bullshit, when the problem is likely outside of your control or their control.

Running up against the realities of this world would depress anyone who is on the losing end.

It is possible that anti-depressants are exacerbating the problem, if you are supposed to feel "happy" when reality suggests that you should be sad.

I think that's a very important point. One of my shrinks was so useless. Self-improvement in order to achieve happiness works only if there's no fundamental implemented in place. Which is what depression is in most cases. I get massively diminished returns on everything I do. He constantly flung vapid platitudes at me and tried to get me take on a more active lifestyle. Which in itself would be a fine approach if the projected outcome of these activities would have been satisfactory. Baby steps don't work if your problem is this engulfing. You can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you're a quadruple amputee. For a man who was extremely educated and well-read his entire philosophical concepts were extremely facile. After I keep bringing up the validity of my stance every sessions, he started cutting our sessions short by 15 minutes without telling me beforehand. The last straw was when he actually, as cliche as it sounds, dosed off during me talking. Told him afterwards I'd call him for a new appointment and never did.

Point being, this whole mantra of changing from within through force of will is both stupid and dangerous. If you actually manage to do so, your situation wasn't that dire to begin with and could have been managed without an outside professional. Although the situation might be rather cut and dry after all. You're miserable because you can't function in the world. Being miserable isn't a problem in and off itself but rather a natural consequence when faced with a hostile exterior you can't best or even manage.

Everyone has inherent limitations. For some the threshold of what they can achieve within these limitations is lower than the threshold they need to overcome to be a functional member of society. It's just a fact of life that some weren't meant That we now have to struggle and suffer through some 6 decades on this miserable rock is because of both years of social conditioning and a primal survival instinct makes it very hard for us to actively seek out death, when that would be the logical course of action.

Author:  Stannis [ 12 Feb 2019, 13:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Depression

In case anyone is interested, I had my final ketamine infusion today. If anyone is considering it as an unconventional depression remedy, I’d say go for it. Can’t say it made a a lasting or fundamental difference given the logistic hassle and high expense but during my infusion I got a glimpse of the intense happiness neurotypical bugmen feel. Not saying their way of life is any is any less frivolous and disingenuous but I do understand the appeal now. I can see why they’d actively subject themselves to continuous self-delusion in every aspect of their aspect of their lives. I can see why they'd actually want to be proactive about their life, futile as it is, if they continuously experience instances where they feel that good. I can see why they’d be invested in a soulless, corporate grind if they keep being fed vapid morsels of career advancement that make them feel socially superior. I can see why they’d ‘try and salvage’ a relationship with a cheating, demeaning partner and actually convince themselves that they can action a permanent change in his or her behaviour if the bliss they feel during sex or even synthetic displays of affection is that intense. They don’t want to give up that source of overwhelming positive reinforcement and they instinctively put rationalisation mechanism in place in order to ensure continuity of service. I felt it for a brief moment and you’d put up with a lot and would instinctively lie to yourself about it irrespective of the factual reality of your circumstances if it meant holding on to that feeling. Not saying they’re living in a constant state of ecstasy but it’s obscene how content, self-satisfied and unencumbered most people must be. Their lows are higher than my highest highs.

Still, it was not the temporarily restricted panacea sources across the board led me to believe it was. Next I’ll probably give vortioxetine/trintellix a go, which according to studies indubitably sponsored by its manufacturer shows high promise when it comes to resolving the cognitive impairment that goes with depression, and if that doesn’t take I’ll probably take a nap on some train tracks.

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