Love-shyness is a social anxiety disorder where someone has a significant fear of sexual relationships. The term was coined by Brian Gilmartin, a professor of psychology. To date, he is the only one that has written a book on the subject. The book in America sold only for ten years, after which it was discontinued. However, in Japan, 30,000 copies were sold under the title “The Shy Man Syndrome”. One year after its publication, Gilmartin suddenly moved from Westfield State College to Montana State University – Northern.
This might be because particularly in America, where we are of Puritanical origin, the expression of loneliness, especially romantic loneliness, is a controversial topic. Most Americans spend their days working in cubicles in front of their computers, and drive to and from work in box-like cars. In most suburban neighborhoods, the streets are constantly deserted, with the exception of the annual Halloween parade. Our swear words have sexual connotations, and it is impolite to touch in public, whereas in places like France, it is acceptable to kiss on the streets. It is virtually impossible to have or talk about sex in America without copious amounts of alcohol.
As a result, love-shyness has many myths and misconceptions surrounding it. Many internet critics assume that love-shyness is justified and a completely chosen behavior because it is politically incorrect to say otherwise! They say love-shies hate women, are morbidly obese, and/or smell, but give no proof as to why these assertions are always true. They take the most unusual examples of love-shies and roll them up together on a single page. Interestingly, love-shy women receive none of these criticisms, or any criticisms for that matter (except that love-shy men always ignore them).
Are the consequences of love-shyness always justified? Many scientists stress the fact that ADHD, Dyslexia, and other learning disabilities aren’t the product of bad parenting, but have a genetic and neurological origin. If any of the critics have bothered to read Gilmartin’s book on the subject, then they would see, for instance, that there is an abnormal concentration of dopamine in love-shys’ brains (which is just the tip of the iceberg, as the reader of my article will see). Yet it seems that mysteriously, out of all the mental conditions out there, love-shyness is the ONLY ONE that is completely behavioral (again, probably due to political correctness)!
But enough of this. Now, I’ll explain how sinus congestion plays a part in love-shyness. Gilmartin said in his book, Shyness & Love:
“Indeed, if one were to predict among a large group of
elementary school boys just exactly who is likely to go on to a life of
chronic and painful love-shyness, there does not appear to be any better
or more readily observable medical predictor than that of difficulties
involving the nose.” (p. 366)
He then goes on to explain that the ability to breathe through the nose is associated with the feeling of freedom. This is also important in school athletics. As a result, many love-shy children don’t breathe properly, and are left out from many team sports.
I can relate to this. I have difficulty breathing through my nose. It isn’t my fault, since my dad has this problem too. The only person he ever dated was my mom. And yesterday, when I visited my doctor to discuss it, he said I had an adenoid in my right nostril (a mass of lymphatic tissue). I was also left out of sports back in elementary school. I read a lot and excelled in math; however, math suddenly became much harder for me at a more abstract level, since the mental stamina needed was far greater, and I didn’t have the proper oxygen levels. I was also a late talker and didn’t even have a close friend until the 5th grade.
Although I don’t believe in judgmental accusation, I can also see why people believe that love-shyness is solely mental. In Western Medicine, the mind and body still seen as separate in practice. Even completely unusual behavior like severe love-shyness (which affects everyday life, not just relationships) is seen as something “in the head”. Nothing wrong is seen by looking at the person on the outside, hence the person is always to blame.
I myself have judgmentally accused in the past. In the 8th grade, I had an English teacher who would obsessively talk about the Holocaust, and grade really hard on the really hard tests she gave out. Everyone thought she was crazy, myself included. Three years later, I heard she passed away from a brain tumor. This had nothing to do with chosen behavior or even brain chemicals.
To conclude this article, I would like to say I am a 20 year old love-shy man. I have never kissed, and have very few friends. I now know that it’s mostly because I have trouble breathing through my nose. This is something that has affected me since my birth. I would like to inform the public that love-shyness isn’t always mental, and spread awareness. The public’s misunderstanding of us can only last so long. Finally, to sum it up, I urge all love-shies to examine the other 80% of their body below their brain to see if there are any problems with this 80%, particularly the sinuses. While this doesn’t apply to all love-shies, this information could save a lot of us a lot of grief and agony.
“Indeed, if one were to predict among a large group of elementary school boys just exactly who is likely to go on to a life of chronic and painful love-shyness, there does not appear to be any better or more readily observable medical predictor than that of difficulties involving the nose.” -- Brian Gilmartin