Need help dealing with a probably incel/loveshy friend

darwin · **Posted:** 15 Dec 2010, 10:00

The Doctor wrote:

darwin wrote:

The Doctor wrote:

Sorry, I'm still confused as to why you won't go out with him. You say he's not unnattractive and that he's a nice guy. Really, what is there not to like? I can't believe the posts on here so far. It seems like everyone's quick to jump on the stalker bandwagon! This isn't like LS.com at all! What's happened to you lot? Sure, real stalkers are a problem, but so many guys here have been called that, to call another guy out on that with as little evidence as this is crap.
Give us a good reason not to fuck him, or fuck off!

Honestly, it's like we've suddenly turned into incelsupport

he isn't LS ... he has made his intentions very clear and has no problem at all ... he is begging for a relationship
and therefore everything is going to have an incel angle

look at the other women who have posted here about LS guys ... it is always "i like him ... i know he likes me... but"
and that hasn't occured here at all

I never said he was LS. I didn't even say he was incel. Whether he is either, the point still stands. She likes him, but won't date him. Why not? Picky's phrase of 'fuck me or fuck off' applies in this situation. If she does leave, it'll certainly help him with his obvious oneitis. If she stays and doesn't do anything, she's a tease. There are only these two things she can do. Either one will help him more than their current situation.

no matter how much she likes him ... she doesnt like his looks and doesnt want to have sex with him
so therefore no relationship is possible

darwin · **Posted:** 15 Dec 2010, 10:03

loveablenerd wrote:

darwin wrote:

The Doctor wrote:

Sorry, I'm still confused as to why you won't go out with him. You say he's not unnattractive and that he's a nice guy. Really, what is there not to like? I can't believe the posts on here so far. It seems like everyone's quick to jump on the stalker bandwagon! This isn't like LS.com at all! What's happened to you lot? Sure, real stalkers are a problem, but so many guys here have been called that, to call another guy out on that with as little evidence as this is crap.
Give us a good reason not to fuck him, or fuck off!

Honestly, it's like we've suddenly turned into incelsupport

he isn't LS ... he has made his intentions very clear and has no problem at all ... he is begging for a relationship
and therefore everything is going to have an incel angle

look at the other women who have posted here about LS guys ... it is always "i like him ... i know he likes me... but"
and that hasn't occured here at all

So did Adam82 with his oneitis, and he is the textbook Gilmartin loveshy on this forum. So was I in my youth, and I've been in this guy's shoes before - twice in fact. I don't admit this lightly. So I can tell you with relative certainty that this guy probably struggled for days, maybe weeks or months to get up the courage to tell this girl how he felt. The worst setback in the world for him would be to blow this out of proportion and take the paranoid stalker victim approach EI recommends. It would be the best way to ruin his life. Sounds like to me this guy is just annoying at worst and maybe makes you uncomfortable at times. Is avoiding such discomfort really worth ruining someone's life over?! I have to agree with the Doc on this. Seriously WTF guys?!

Oneitis is a symptom of desperation coupled with magical thinking. He probably believes you are his "soulmate" and you aren't going to convince him you aren't logically. Probably the best advice is to cut ties, but be warned he will still probably end up hating you for it. In the long run it is for his own good though.

Also, in your goodbyes you might mention love-shyness to him and suggest he get help. I'd say direct him here, but you probably wouldn't want him to read this dicussion thread.

no way ... Adam82 did not act this direct from his descriptions of what occured ... he kept his feelings to
himself and thought he had a chance because there was no mention of her boyfriend

there was always that air of plausible deniability ... it was all just a pipe dream ... that is why when she
saw Adam82 falling for her ... she mentioned her bf and now mentions him for 3 hour conversations

loveablenerd · **Posted:** 15 Dec 2010, 11:07

darwin wrote:

loveablenerd wrote:

darwin wrote:

The Doctor wrote:

Sorry, I'm still confused as to why you won't go out with him. You say he's not unnattractive and that he's a nice guy. Really, what is there not to like? I can't believe the posts on here so far. It seems like everyone's quick to jump on the stalker bandwagon! This isn't like LS.com at all! What's happened to you lot? Sure, real stalkers are a problem, but so many guys here have been called that, to call another guy out on that with as little evidence as this is crap.
Give us a good reason not to fuck him, or fuck off!

Honestly, it's like we've suddenly turned into incelsupport

he isn't LS ... he has made his intentions very clear and has no problem at all ... he is begging for a relationship
and therefore everything is going to have an incel angle

look at the other women who have posted here about LS guys ... it is always "i like him ... i know he likes me... but"
and that hasn't occured here at all

So did Adam82 with his oneitis, and he is the textbook Gilmartin loveshy on this forum. So was I in my youth, and I've been in this guy's shoes before - twice in fact. I don't admit this lightly. So I can tell you with relative certainty that this guy probably struggled for days, maybe weeks or months to get up the courage to tell this girl how he felt. The worst setback in the world for him would be to blow this out of proportion and take the paranoid stalker victim approach EI recommends. It would be the best way to ruin his life. Sounds like to me this guy is just annoying at worst and maybe makes you uncomfortable at times. Is avoiding such discomfort really worth ruining someone's life over?! I have to agree with the Doc on this. Seriously WTF guys?!

Oneitis is a symptom of desperation coupled with magical thinking. He probably believes you are his "soulmate" and you aren't going to convince him you aren't logically. Probably the best advice is to cut ties, but be warned he will still probably end up hating you for it. In the long run it is for his own good though.

Also, in your goodbyes you might mention love-shyness to him and suggest he get help. I'd say direct him here, but you probably wouldn't want him to read this dicussion thread.

no way ... Adam82 did not act this direct from his descriptions of what occured ... he kept his feelings to
himself and thought he had a chance because there was no mention of her boyfriend

there was always that air of plausible deniability ... it was all just a pipe dream ... that is why when she
saw Adam82 falling for her ... she mentioned her bf and now mentions him for 3 hour conversations

Well then I will draw from my own experiences.... it took me literally years to get up enough courage to tell a oneitis how I felt, and after that kind of emotional investment I didn't let go easily either. Especially since I tended to fall for shy girls and obvious signs of disinterest could easily be rationalized away as shyness (that I could relate to) that I would have to try that much harder to overcome...

Needless to say, if either of them had taken the hardline paranoid stalker victim approach that EI recommends my life could have been royally screwed over!

Adam82 · **Posted:** 15 Dec 2010, 14:00

Well, the thing is, I kinda worked with her for two years, built up an acquaintance and then an friendship with her. I innocently asked her out for coffee in a email. I kept my feelings to myself, pretty much. There were rumours going round the office about the pair of us, and eventually she put two and two together, and worked it out for herself. Then she mentioned the bf, but said she was flattered and still wanted to be my friend. Things have been a little awkward since then, but we still chat. So I didn't really make a move per se. She realised my feelings herself and set me straight. Our relationship is still OK though. Today she gave me a hug and said 'Merry Christmas'.

So I've proven to myself I can establish an emotional relationship with a woman. I just now need to do it with a single one!

Cwl · **Posted:** 20 Dec 2010, 10:11

@ OP

tell him ur not interested. cut off contact. ignore him totally.

if that doesnt work, call the cops.

terrafringe · **Posted:** 20 Dec 2010, 15:42

Smorzando wrote:

e_i-2 wrote:

Before anyone roasts you for your reasons of not liking this guy (creepy, fake, personality, etc, looks),...

I think anyone here would be hard put to try that. Her post makes it very clear that she has been trying help him and she is practically a saint for putting up with him this long and with such understanding.

Pity the stupid bastard can't see that you've clearly been trying to do what's best for him. But as much as I pity him I must agree that he needs to be cut loose.

Oh get real. A saint? If you think this chick doesn't find the attention the least bit gratifying and just somehow can't shake him loose, I have a bridge in Florida to sell you.

Dante Alighieri · **Posted:** 20 Dec 2010, 16:13

Why would she call the cops? Did she even say he's stalking her? :crazy:

This is what the oppressive society of feminist obsession with harassment plus the curbing of civil rights after 9/11 have done to you. Your brains are mashed.

HAS ANYBODY ON THIS FORUM REPORTED MY PARENTS? PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO KILL THEIR OWN CHILD? NO? YOU SEE HOW IRRATIONAL YOU ARE?

The Doctor · **Posted:** 20 Dec 2010, 16:53

Cwl wrote:

@ OP

tell him ur not interested. cut off contact. ignore him totally.

if that doesnt work, call the cops.

Uummmm, she's gone dude.

@ Dante :check:

rm53 · **Joined:** 18 Dec 2010, 16:15 **Posts:** 24

Dante wrote:

Why would she call the cops? Did she even say he's stalking her? :crazy:

This is what the oppressive society of feminist obsession with harassment plus the curbing of civil rights after 9/11 have done to you. Your brains are mashed.

idiot

terrafringe · **Posted:** 20 Dec 2010, 18:14

"Stalking" is not the same as reciprocating attention, which this girl has been giving him. If it were that serious, she would've told him to buzz off and made it clear what her feelings were about having him in her life. If he'd still persisted afterwards, that would be stalking; if she never actually stops communicating with him, she has no one to blame but herself. It's absolutely her right as a human being to keep whoever she wants in or out of her life, but with that right comes the responsibility not to be duplicitous.

hans66 · **Joined:** 02 Feb 2011, 15:54 **Posts:** 49

Stiles wrote:

He's not ugly, many of my friends say that physically he's very attractive, and would date him if it weren't for his personality, but as for me, he's not what I personally am attracted to.

Don't believe everything others tell you. What did they say? "Tell him that he is very attractive"? A possible lie. Just "He is very attractive"? That could be an honest opinion. In both cases I still don't think he will be convinced, because he would have had more success with women.

The Doctor · **Posted:** 03 Feb 2011, 15:30

It's merely forum etiquette on pretty much every forum on the Internet that you check the dates when the threads were made. This person has not signed in for over a month and is unlikely to do so again. Your words are wasted.

Forum rules

Need help dealing with a probably incel/loveshy friend

Who is online