Thanks for the sincere words of caution. It is refreshing to hear wise opinions. Helps in making sense of things.

So called oneitis has individual properties to say . For me time didn't help, my oneitis lasted about 10 years! The way it gone out - with my experience and as a consequence the wider way of looking at things. Of course shifting of my preferences towards women also.

Love is chemicals. That's all.

You can't really control who you develop feelings for. I don't think you can. The problem is not developing feelings for a girl. The problem is getting her to feel the same way about you

There is no exact science of attraction. Either she likes you or she doesn't. That's the sad reality. You can rip your heart out trying, but if she isn't interested, she isn't interested.

Not being a mind reader, it is impossible for me to figure out what a woman thinks of me, anyway. My oneitis may have feelings for me, she may not. It's hard to say. It's certainly possible, but we do work together, so we have to keep a professional relationship. So its hard to gauge her feelings.

oneitis

cheers adam82 for that pic of Amy - ie just gone ruind a perfectly good chair.

Yes, Im still looking at how oneitis works. Ive learned a lot over the last few years, but I still cant believe how suseptable I still am. A tall girl has walked past my house for a couple of years. I've seen her but not paid much attention. I went to a pub a couple of saturdays ago and found her working behind the bar. I flirted a bit, found her name etc.

Then I found myself thinking about her, getting curious about her. Then I found myself modifying my behaviour going to the shops just to have a "chance" interaction; I nipped that one in the bud though. I havnt been to that pub since, but have thought about it. Not that it should matter, but she must be half my age at most, and I would prejudice myself against taking it anywhere further. However this seems reminicent of other episodes in my life. I'm wondering if this is a common experience.

modifying behavior for a chance encounter sums it up for me. With oneitis I get the feeling (what i imagine is the feeling) of Love, just from being near or looking at my oneitis. I recently experienced something i hadn't before though. I found myself falling for a web cam girl. I was constantly checking to see if she was online, just watching her, adoring her. Thanks to this site i caught myself and i'm trying to stop all together. But it struck me that this could happen without ever seeing this girl in person, or knowing anything about her. And other than seeing her in person, most of my oneitis's have been this way. I've rarely talked to them, and if I have it's always in the company of others with no hint of attraction.

Keeping it hidden makes it even worse. I spend all of my time thinking about her, creating these grand scenarios where she becomes mine, and stays mine. Imagining being with her, coupled with the chemicals that i consider to be love, I create a relationship for myself. I have already achieved my goal in my head, and attempting to achieve it again risks losing it all. Pain, humiliation, rejection, all coming from the ONE thing i have loved for so long. And from that standpoint, the cons out-weigh the pros. So i never approach.

pretty much. I'm not delusional i don't pretend i have a girl friend or anything, but somewhere in my head i get the chemicals that would say i do.

Never experienced it.