Interesting points from thechak and Mitchel about positivity and realism. I honestly think I am both realistic and positive. And I do like positive people, as in people who accept the bad things but have a good attitude. Sometimes you can't change crap that happens to you, but you CAN change your reaction to it. being positive does not mean being naïve or unrealistic.

Example: you have an accident and end up in a wheelchair.

Kind of reactions:
1. Negative and unrealistic: "this is shit, my life is over, I would be better dead, I will never ever be happy. I hate the driver who caused this to me forever and ever, I wish he dies a terrible death". I could never be with a person whose reactions were like these.

2. Negative and realistic: "This is shit. This will turn my life upside-down, and I don't think I can bear it. Why did this have to happen to me?"... then anger, depression and long-term bitterness. It is realistic, but I couldn't handle a person like this either (note: depression and despair in the beginning are natural reactions... I am referring to long-term reactions here).

3. Positive and unrealistic: "I am in a wheelchair now, and doctors say I will never walk, but I know they are wrong: whatever happens, I know I will walk again and life will be wonderful". Well, I understand why you guys don't find this reaction attractive .

4. Positive and realistic: "These are going to be hard times, but I am strong and in the end I will cope. My life will indeed change, but I will find new things to do and new interest to adapt to my new circumstances." This is more like me and like the kind of people I am attracted to.

It's easy to say such a thing when well, but have you ever dealt with chronic never ending physical pain or a disability yourself? After living through both, I've realized that positivity is a joke, and makes absolutely no difference, except usually a way for "well" people to condescend to you.

Realism with good intentions to me is quite simply: Can I live with this condition and the chronic pain and disability that goes along with it?

If so, I live. If not, suicide is the most positive decision possible I could make for myself.

That's an example, there. I would only be with someone else who was experienced enough in life, and in pain to comprehend such a thing.

Generally speaking, I could only be with someone who has truly been hurt in life and comprehends and is empathetic to it, on a deep level, rather than looking at it like a hallmark card.

For me, I'd suggest anyone that suggests someone in a wheel chair should be positive about their life, should volunteer to have their legs crippled. If you aren't willing it live it yourself, I really don't think you have the right to tell someone in a worse situation how they should feel. It's very condescending.

That's why I couldn't be with someone like that. If you think misfortune is something to feel positive about, you are welcome to join the unfortunate and put your money where your mouth is. Otherwise, you can try respecting their feelings and struggles. It's really the least people could do for each other, as a positive action.

Belittling people's problems and telling them how they should feel about them, is about the least positive thing you could do for them. You could try instead to actually care about people with problems, and accept that their feelings are actually important, even more important than yours, as their feelings are a result of actually living their situation... While you are just a bystander and have no clue how bad things really are for them.

thechalk, I would never tell a person on a wheelchair what to do. But I can decide if I am with him or not depending on which life outlook he has.

I haven't suffered from long-term pain and disability, but I was once misdiagnosed with a brain tumour. By the time I got the diagnose changed to the correct one (recurrent migraine with side effects such as disphasia and blindness), I had already laid out my plans to spend my savings traveling around the World and not tell my family a word about the "tumour", so they could keep on enjoying the life I thought I had left. This is just the person I am, and the way I react to setbacks in life. My best friend died in a car accident 7 years ago. And now my city has been destroyed in an earthquake. I get down sometimes, but in general I can't be negative even if I put my mind to it (which I obviously won't). In the end I am always positive and my friends agree I am one of the happiest persons they know. I am very attracted to people who have gone through hardship in their lives and keep a positive outlook in life. I had a depressive partner once and it made my life miserable, I just can't cope with negativity in a person for a long period of time, whichever the circumstances. So no, I don't think you and I would make a good couple, but there are loads of other people out there who are not me and like different things

Asking someone to become disabled if they believe they would be positive about it is illogical. I do believe I would still enjoy my life being disabled. That does not mean I would CHOOSE to be disabled.

You have a right to your preference, but you do realize that it would be extreme hypocrisy to expect someone to feel positive about something that you yourself refuse to share as an experience?

Personally, I don't think your preference is about positivity at all. It's more of a selfish self serving preference, as are most preferences (like physical beauty).

If you don't like people who are unhappy or in extremely painful conditions, that's your preference and fine by me, but don't try to say that makes you a more positive person than someone who is "suffering" in that pain, while you would refuse to share it.

It just makes you too "weak" to share the pain. You're too weak and selfish to handle sharing even sharing a bit of that pain with another person. Plain and simple. And that's fine, but I wouldn't buy that you are a more positive person because of that for a minute. It's selfishness.

I would rather try to be as selfless as I could to someone who was in near unbearable pain. That would be a truly positive thing. It may be a challenge to "give," to another person, but most truly positive things are a challenge.

Thechalk, you are doing lots of wrong assumptions here. I don't expect anyone to be positive. I am just attracted to the ones who are. That's just how it is, a personal preference.

Where did you get that I don't like people who are in extreme pain? You are saying increasingly weird things. I like positive people, whether they are in pain or not. I will stop discussing about your strange statement that people who think they would be positive in this or that situation should actually offer to live it. Man, I have been in an earthquake, i am positive, but I certainly would not expect anyone else to live it just because I think they would be positive through it. I am positive although my best friend died... but I can tell you, I would never offer to lose a friend or loved one just to show how positive I am. Are you listening to the nonsense you are saying? I really have no clue what you are trying to prove here.

Anyway, if this debating helps you in any way, then great

Coolwoman, you are claiming you would be positive in extremely painful or unfortunate situations you've never been and refuse to be in, like being wheelchair bound (which is presumptuous and arrogant, not positive).

That is far from a positive attitude. It's condescending and ignorant to others who have suffered things you've never even experienced, and are suffering those very things NOW.

The equivalent would be if I were to say to you, "if I was raped daily for the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure I'd feel positive about it. I don't let life get me down."

Have I been raped? Hell no. So maybe I should shut the fuck up and stop being presumptuous as to how bad it is and how positive I'd feel about it as a chronic condition, as you might consider too.

If you haven't walked in those shoes, and aren't forced to walk in those shoes for the rest of your life, then maybe you should stop making assumptions of how bad it is and how you'd breeze through it.

It's great that you have your opinions, as I have mine, and that both of us have had the chance to discuss them here in peace and harmony. When you start getting hysterical, using insults and profanity, just because someone spoke their own mind and it is different to yours, then it is my turn to stop this discussion. You are welcome to follow your own advice (Quote: "So maybe I should shut the fuck up and stop being presumptuous"). Have a nice day

For anyone else that has any more questions, I am still here.

So if you were raped daily you still would feel positive, because you're just that much of a positive person in life? For real?

You don't see how idiotic making presumptions about how you would breeze through the incomprehensible pain others are facing is? How disrespectful and closed minded it is to do so? Wow.

I would actually be very arrogant and insensitive if I had made all those "presumptions" you mention. The thing is, I haven't. You have made them all up. For some reason you have lost the plot when I simply stated: "I am a positive person and I am attracted to positive people". You seem to find that very hard to accept. But that is your problem, not mine.

Next!

You said yourself, that if you were forced into a wheelchair that's how you would react "positively and realistically." Do you really know that? Not at all. You've never been there at all. Real people are suffering daily, some even commit suicide, yet you assume you'll be all roses.

A lot of other people are there, have to make some really difficult choices. It's a truly terrible situation to be in, and yet you presume you already know how much better you will react than the "other" people who are ACTUALLY in that situation.

I can never know how I would react in any particular circumstance until I am there, but yes, whether you like it or not, that reaction is more like me, and more like the kind of person I am attracted to. I stand by my statement. Get over it.

Well you just lied to me. You said you didn't make a presumption I mentioned. Now you said you did make the presumption and I should get over it.

Flip flop much? This is why I don't like blind positivity. Because people lie when they do that and have no consistency. That's why blind positivity can't be trusted. It's a dishonest and presumptuous method of thinking, condescending, and selfish as well.

There is a really good evening course here about "Ability to read and interpret text". I will recommend you personally. That is, if they repair the building and reopen in time for you to pay a visit . Love and hugs.

So you just avoid taking responsibility for what you wrote and what I quoted and how it contradicted itself?

Do you think maybe you should try not to make assumptions as to how people in wheel chairs feel, and how you would react better than most of them? Especially when you have no intent on living that life because it's a godawful life to be dealt?

That is what I truly don't understand. Why would you feel compelled to assume you're better at dealing with it than they are, when you've never dealt with it and they have.

No, I refuse to engage in a ridiculous rant from someone who has decided to make a drama novel out of a very simple statement, and instead I choose to make a bit of light-hearted fun of you

By the way, do you like monarch butterflies?