Thechak, I think you're misrepresenting what I said. I never professed a belief that people who are suffering and have a negative attitude are somehow bad, you're the one who said that. If I did say that, I really would
be an uncaring, asshole bullshitter, or one of the other nasty names you just used to describe me. I'm also not trying to to dismiss anyone's pain or suffering. I know things can get hard, life gets that way and I really really wish I could change it for you. What I'm trying to do is explain a way of thinking that might be more constructive.
Everyone suffers from hard times in life. It's different for everyone, but nearly every person has to deal with some kind of trauma whether it's large or small. The constructive way to deal with these sorts of problems would be to realistically assess your situation and try not to get bogged down in hopelessness. For example, say you needed to get to work one day but your car won't start. One option would be to throw up your hands and proclaim that the world has come to an end and there is no hope. Another way might be to realize that the situation is really crappy, but not hopeless. There are things which can be done and the sky isn't falling. I'm not talking about deluding yourself with positivity. It's one thing to realize that there are legitimate avenues for improvement, and a whole other to pretend that your life is absolutely wonderful all the time when it obviously isn't. I'm talking about trying to change the way your perceive setbacks.
Let me be very clear. People who are suffering are not bad. Feeling bad in a challenging situation is not bad. In no way am I saying that the unfortunate should just cheer up and all their problems will disappear. That sort of attitude is
callous. I'm also not trying to dismiss your problems. If that were the case I would have left a long time ago. What I'm trying to do is provide you with a way of thinking about and understanding difficulty that will hopefully serve you well.
Please keep in mind that I respect your opinion and don't want to start a conflict with you.
Thank you for trying to discuss this more reasonably, Lemonlime, without the personal attacks. I respect that, and you for opening this dialog here. That's very admirable as I know things have gone poorly so far.
However, I think where we still might not be seeing eye to eye, is that while I can recognize some attitudes might be more outwardly "successful" in certain situations, and my attitudes may not be the most "successful" in other people's eyes.... I truly do not believe it is another person's place to make assumptions and hold them against me that I am a "negative thinker." And even more so that my thinking is faulty and would be preferably fixed by something they personally consider more positive. The problem with making that kind of value judgment, is it's extremely subjective, judgmental and and likely inaccurate.
What's positive to me, and what's positive to you, are likely going to be very different things, because it's very relative.
I've had some people in my life tell me I'm one of the most positive people they have ever met in their entire life. I've had other people tell me I'm so negative I'm unbearable, that I'm whiney, pathetic and annoying and no one would want me (Cool Woman seems to have implied that in this thread which didn't surprise me too much). Who is right?
Well, I honestly believe I am right
about whether my thinking is a positive thing for me. I see other people as bystanders, who do not live my life, do not have any full comprehension of me, what I've been through, why I believe what I believe and act the way I do. Personally, I view myself as an extremely positive person on many levels, in that I value things like truth, compassion, kindness, intelligence, artistic expression, science, philosophy, and a struggle to be the best person I can be immensely.
I may not have the "same" beliefs, life circumstances, attitudes, or behaviors as other people do, but I follow my own unique positive beliefs, that differ greatly from others.
People can and do look at the outside of my situation and claim I'm negative (and they often do relentlessly, even cruelly) and that I should try being more positive, but who's to say they are right? I honestly don't think they have any credibility in saying so.
Some people would say I'm a worthless negative person for even considering suicide seriously with my best intentions, other people can recognize in certain circumstances that suicide might be a positive option to consider carefully (especially with long term suffering seeming inevitable).
My problem, is with people going around, promoting whatever brand of "positivity" they believe in as the true positivity, and brandishing anyone else as negative, I think it is very abusive to well intentioned people who have unique belief systems.
Now if rather than label me negative, someone wanted to discuss potentially "inefficient beliefs" at obtaining a specific goal? I'd be much more likely to listen carefully and consider what they say more seriously. But those that would automatically assume their beliefs are more positive than mine, I am highly skeptical of as I think they are full of shit, as they really don't know what makes me tick.
To clarify, I am not saying anyone else's views of what is "positive" are inferior to mine, or that they shouldn't live their own lives by their own interpretations. I just take issue when people automatically assume their perception of what is positive is superior to mine, or other people's, just because we what we value is different.
That's why I don't like blind positivity. Because it's not a one size fits all is positive solution. It's completely dependent on the individual, and trying to force your view as "the way" ends up abusing other people who would choose the right to their own interpretation.