Freakin A, oncebitten!

It's been sad for me in my life because I always truly believed that my shyness and introversion had many benefits that the extroverted person didn't have. I'm a critical thinker, I'm analytical, and a good listener. Shouldn't those be great qualities in the professional world? But I always get passed over for jobs like I do in dating. It's a tragedy when the good qualities you possess don't make a damn of a difference in getting ahead in the world.

It's an extroversionist society. The guys who get ahead career wise, and with dating, are social, cocky, confident, arrogant.

I think underachieving will make almost any man incel (unless you significantly reduce your standards).

According to Gilmartin, almost all LS are serious underachievers. None of them owned a home, they mostly were either unemployed or worked in demenial blue-collar jobs despite the fact that many of them had college degrees and were excellent students in school. These are chilling words.

I've managed to obtain a bachelor's degree and hold down a good job in my field for 5 years now, so I can safely say that I've achieved well and been successful at least in the work/career area of life.

This line makes me think....maybe "love-shyness" is a by product of a larger problem with self?

It depends how you define 'underachiever'. Yes, I'm currently unemployed (previously in low paying retail jobs), but at the same time I host a radio programme, have been published, have acted on a few top theatres and have promoted various gigs.

Nothing that pays, but it's more to do with it being a passion than a means to an end.

I agree....I mean I would not think your an underachiever...Just because there is not money attached to something does not mean it is not an achievement. The average person who completes a marathon does not make money from it, but it's still an achievement

Yes and No. Yes in some cases because love-shys do have personality problems (shyness, lack of concentration) that hinder them in other areas (school, holding down a job, etc). No in other cases because a lack of DSR will drive a man insane and disrupt those other areas of life.

So it's the classic chicken and egg problem?

x2, the squeaky wheels get the grease and guys like us fall through the cracks. The entire capitalist economy and capitalist dating system is run by bad boys and women.

I think LS can indeed be a by-product of a greater/general problem with self, but LS in itself can also create havoc in those other areas, hence leading to the underachieving. For example, I was a good student and have had a successful career thus far, but at this point I can tell that my lack of DSR is preventing me from moving any higher in those areas.

I believe there is even one psychologist who even went as far as to say that DSR is right up there with shelter, food and clothing for being one of the essential needs humans must obtain before they can move on to achieving higher goals (great career, graduate school, marriage, wealth, fame, etc). It's pretty obvious when you think about it. For example, if you can't even overcome the fear of asking a girl out, how do you expect to become, say, a high-payed manager in your company, dealing every day with powerful people and making big corporate decisions?

That's what I thought. I have a menial blue-collar job and was a good student when I actually made effort (I dropped out of college). I rarely (if ever?) see men of my age who are in a situation like me. I seem to be an unique case. The only men in their thirties that I know who have low-paying jobs like me are either criminals, drug addicts or are mentally challenged. I mean, none of them are normal. Even with that, most criminals and drug addicts of my age actually have better jobs (legal jobs) than me. It's impossible to relate to anybody and I don't know any role model that could inspire me. I mean, if I could relate to someone and see him beating his love-shyness, I could learn some tricks. But everybody I know are completely different than myself. They are either very spoiled and are given good jobs by their family and friends, or girls throw themselves at them all the time. I can't relate to those people. I mean, how seeing decent girls throwing themselves at some ugly dumb fat guy who was given a good job by his dad going to inspire me?

I'd say I'm an underachiver. I was a child full of potential, but once I got into college everything just fell apart. I only have a degree right now because my parents kinda forced me into finishing it, but I don't work in my area (journalism). I work for my dad, and my payment sucks, I'm just really unhappy all the time. This is not what I expected my would be. And it seems like I'm stuck and can't get out. I'm 25, which means I'm still young...but not that young...It really is time to change, but I'm not sure if I can.

Same story for me.

Line in bold: It helps, but not really. Looks, looks, looks.

I am now something of an underachiever. When I was enrolled in a university, I had a 4.0 in my major, studied, and felt decently proud of myself. Then, I lost motivation, graduated with 4.0 in the major and am probably not continuing to grad school, because I'd rather not put up with bullshit in the academic setting anymore than I have to. Now...who cares? I do what I must to survive, nothing more, nothing less.