So I am thinking about my past oneitis. How much pain and sadness this 'relationship' brought me. I was so naive because I believed in blissful romantic love - I will be patient, she will leave her damn boyfriend and stay with me. No such thing occured. In fact she currently told me that she loves her boyfriend. But back then oneitis became my addiction. I wanted her because subconsciously I told myself 'Forbidden fruit is always most desirable'. Yeah, it's true... Where were my morals? Maybe I was so tired of having morals which led me absolutely nowhere?

So here we have biological lust and yearning for love born from desperation of having/needing someone.

I loved her and due to this unrequited love I became bitter. I promised myself to never fall in love again. Never to fall in such desperate need again. Oneitis is born when we become the hosts for women's parasitic needs, females whom we adore are projections of our fantasies. It's like playing with fire. And it burns like hell. This is the power of love/lust when we can't control our emotions, our biological urges to fuck.

But...

"There is an old saying which goes like: "It's not wrong or right... It just is." Oneitis/unrequited love/pedestalizing happens. Especially among men, who are romantically ignored for years.

No one can know or stop when love will hit them. It can be a awesome yet sometimes morally challenging issue for any of us.

There is always someone telling you what you should and shouldn't do. What is not acceptable to society or the individual.

Some of us experienced either loving or being loved by someone we may think we know and are sure about but only find down the track they had other reasons for staying with you and you with them."

Some of us never experienced love and sex.

So what is right and what is wrong when it comes to oneitis/ unrequited love? Why are we programmed to love only one person? Why is it wrong to love more? How can we avoid falling into oneitis trap when falling in love can be so sudden?

I am thinking too much. Again.

Just a couple of my thoughts inspired by writings.

I still dream of mine man. And It's been over a decade. Her face is practically etched into my memory banks. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. That face will haunt me in my sleep till the day I die.

But oh well... c'est la vie. It is what it is, I suppose. And we don't have the power to change things. We never did and we never will. All we can do is proactively look for the potholes and try our best to avoid them. Hang in there buddy. We're all hurting. Don't let the manginas and PUAs wear you down.

Yeah, it's the best way. You just can't force somebody to love you. But the problem with oneitis is that you can't really stop thinking about her - sometimes even when you enter relationship. Fantasy was created and admired. Now it's over. But you don't want to really stop it. It's an addiction that can't be stopped easily. Even when you lose oneitis forever there is a huge possibility that you will be looking for someone similar to her.

Fuck manginas and PUA clowns.

Yeah... one thing that I never got was how people could so easily say that they'd "fallen out of love" with the person that they're with; As if It's really THAT easy of a thing to do. I used to talk to women (not my oneitis, but women in general), but from the standpoint of a relationship therapist (cause I know just it takes for a "healthy" relationship to flourish). The problem wasn't giving the advice. The problem was seeing and realizing that it was all going in one ear and out the other. Now... whenever I see a woman in distress today, unless she's being physically harmed, I make it a point not to get involved. Even if she's drop dead gorgeous. Even if she gives me an IOI. I squelch it before I even have a chance to form the dreaded oneitis ever again.

I constantly keep asking myself why I ever met her in the first place. I was desperate 27 year old guy who never had a girlfriend back then. I was on the edge of suicide, constantly writing poems about death and painful love and suddenly she appeared in my life. I was friendless, even when she told me that she has a boyfriend I wanted to keep her as a friend. I wanted to have one god damn friend in my fucking lonely life! Friend who is out there when I am down and actually cares about me. Naturally after first meetings and many hours of conversations I fell in love with her. Falling in love was mistake. Why? Because she never wanted to leave her boyfriend. So I stayed as a friend yearning for the moment when she will be mine. Nothing happened. We met few times, she even stayed one night at my place (it was one of the most beautiful days of my life and no... we didn't have sex), I dreamed about her and wanted to see her more often. Now she is gone. She still writes sometimes, but everything changed. She stopped caring about me. Our conversations are usually initiated by me.

The pain of unrequited love still lingers, but I keep myself busy. I started working out heavily. I started to force myself not to think about her, but there are times I can't stop... I can't control myself...

Guys, never ever fall into oneitis trap. It's the worst emotional hell on earth.

I am thinking about oneitis. She and her boyfriend... it's obvious that they have feelings for each other, but back when we first met they had problems in their relationship so then she felt intense pain and maybe she turned to me for comfort. As soon as there was possibility for them to be happy again she run to him because of the bond/attachment they have created over time. But when she felt lonely I was there: the friend who always wanted to be with her.

Gee, I am truly feeling like worthless piece of shit today.

I am starting to hate the words of "love", "relationship", "romance". I no longer believe in any of them. They are fake.

you should stop seeing her, it will help

I rarely see her. Since we started writing mails, letters and calling each other three years ago I have seen her five-six times as she lives far away from me. I should stop calling her I know, but I decided to call her during Christmas time just to tell her my best wishes - she called me back and I started thinking about her again.

ok, every situation is different.

Has she had a boyfriend the entire time you've known her? Have you ever made it really clear how you feel?

sometimes its best to really go for it and if it doesn't work then cut all ties, that way she knows how you feel and she knows you're not ok with her reaction

Yeah, she has the same boyfriend since 15. I told her many times that I want to be with her, I expressed my feelings, but nothing changed. I feel that the best way I can do is to forget about her. If she truly wants to be my friend she will initiate contact, if not farewell dear lady. So no phone/sms during New Year, which she will probably spend with her boyfriend anyway.

ok, i wouldn't contact her anymore, if she does then ok, i would even throw away her contactinfo so i wouldn't get tempted

Yeah. Treat it like you would with Meth. Not even once.

You're hurting yourself more if you do try and keep her in your life.

It sucks, period.
My last one still lasts, but weakly and faintly so, after 8+ years.
I find it funny, how all of them no longer look so cute they once did. Still, there is some jolt in my heart every time I occasionally bump into my past oneitises.
For the first time in my whole life, I am able to like different girls in a non-oneitis way. It is much easier and less painful.

I waited for mine for two years or so, and kept holding out hope. But eventually she just stopped talking to me, and stopped replying to my messages, so I wrote her off.

I wish that the technology in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was real. This oneitis/limerence shit is draining. I don't know how many times I have to accept the futility of the situation, accept the lack of reciprocation and rationally deduce that I shouldn't consider this person any more than an acquaintance before it sticks, and it doesn't creep into my thoughts so goddamn much. I've felt multiple times that I was finally over it, but then my state of mind changes and unwittingly I'm back pondering everything.

I have talked about how my oneitis crush from high school, I still obsess over. Even though she is married, and has rejected my friend request on Facebook twice.

I still look at her profile. And feel dirty doing it.

The truth is that I probably never will truly get over her, until a girl gives me her attention and I actually fall into real love. Which is growing slimmer by the day.