On the front page: Love-shyness, simply put, is the inability of a person to participate in the normal sexual processes that everyone around him (or her) can easily engage in.

Thats what I'm wondering though: It seems so hard for everyone in today's society. People are so split by facebook and mobile devices. Not to mention that the divorce rate is over 50%. Divorce is the norm in America, so even most people nowadays have significant difficulty with this.

When does it become a problem? In high school (and now college), I felt inhibited since I always had too much work. My high school was a pressure cooker with arrogant people, so I didn't care. College, I'm pursuing an engineering degree with over a 3.9 GPA at a good-enough school, and the girls are better than high school, but still unrealistic. I feel like I never had the time.

Is it important for a high schooler or college student to "easily engage in normal sexual processes"? I like to place my school work first, which I think is more important. At what age does it become something important in the long run? In fact, I think a high schooler or college student that is too sexually experienced poses an equal problem.

It becomes important very early. If you had no succeses by the age of 18 you're in big trouble. The question you asked in the following sentence is just baffling, and not in a good way.

I can relate. During my high school days I focused on my school work first, while I watched my younger sister and cousins my age start dating. And then one of my female cousins got pregnant at the time. You know when you're at the age when you start "rebelling" against your parents? They sort of rebelled while I stayed the nice guy and focused on my studies, I didn't care.

Edited: But then somehow I managed to get an online girlfriend at the time, who broke up with me and became my oneitis. I still stayed the "nice guy" though, with the good grades and such.

Though, I thought dating became important during college, as I was told that people find their significant others during that time. That is, finding them with little to no effort. Like HS I just focused on my studies, but I graduated "magna cum laude" with no girlfriend.

I think it's hard for everyone. But I see all these other people, despite their falling in and out of relationships, and think to myself 'at least these people get SOMETHING'.

I don't even know where to start. I have no idea what to say to girls, or how to act in a relationship. I don't even know how people attract interest from someone to begin with.

If you don't learn the necessary social skills in high school, you probably never will learn. Dating just gets harder from then onwards.

Yes, yes it is.

I know tons of folks who didn't start dating till university age. I would start making the time to try if you're getting up into your 20s without any experience. But everyone does things at their own pace, so stressing out too much isn't worthwhile either.

What question? How?

Anyways, a lot of you say that if I'm not experienced by 18, then it's too late. Are you sure? I still think that 18 is too young to worry. In other countries, people don't date until their 20's. In Saudi Arabia, people don't date at all! Even socializing with the opposite sex there is illegal http://www.cracked.com/article_16335_7- ... rseas.html.



Not in an abusive relationship. Your grades could decline for instance due to drama. I knew someone in HIGH SCHOOL that took depression medication to cope with her deceitful boyfriend. There are far worse stories out there. Once, a wise person told me that "You will get a girlfriend, you will just wish you never had her" .

Oh yeah, I rebelled for the first two years in high school and actually got to know some girls pretty well, but my grades fell . My little brother's now going the same way; he failed his last two calc tests. I know a really smart guy with good social skills, and he spent too much time dating in high school, so he didn't even get to college and dropped out of community college.

I've dated once at 13.

In those countries culture is a bit different which leads to different role patterns for men and women.

In western culture it is expected that you get your first sexual experiences in your teenage years. Those are your formative years in term of sexuality, and it's rather difficult these days to go through puberty without any sexual experience. Subsequently, it's considered weird to be a virgin beyond age 20; people reason something must be wrong if you managed to get 0.0 sexual experience in those key 7-8 years (assuming you first got sexually interested around age 12-13). Ages 18-20/21 are mostly OK since you'll be considered a late bloomer, but after that it gets weird.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/fact ... /virginity

It says at the top that the average age of virginity loss was 21 in Britian in the 1950s today, whereas its 16 today. At the bottom, eighty-nine percent of those surveyed would advise their own brother, sister or friend not to have sex until at least after finishing secondary school.

I mean, just because some behavior is normal doesn't mean that it's good for you, right? I was asking my original question from a scientific/psychological standpoint, not a cultural one.

Then again, I probably took my schoolwork too seriously throughout my life. My parents didn't care about my sex appeal, just my grades. I will be very rich in the future, but with no family.

fschmidt's advice, not only in terms of looking outside the Femisphere but also in terms of looking within a strict religious community, is looking a little bit more reasonable all of a sudden.

IMO, I think it is definitely important for high schoolers and college students to engage in relationships with the opposite sex.


It doesn't necessarily need to be about sex but you should at least get comfortable associating and asking out women for dates.

From a psychological point of view it depends on the person, i.e. internal factors. I felt ready to have sex as early as age 14/15 and when I didn't get any I started to become increasingly frustrated and started jacking off excessively (several times a day). Other people have the need to a lesser degree, such as a friend of mine who is now almost 20 and still a virgin and doesn't have any problems with it (then again, he just got a girlfriend, finally). It depends on sex drive and how high the desire for intimacy really is.

However, those internal factors can be influenced by external ones, i.e. culture. If you're living in the western world where people lose their virginity around 16/17 years of age, it's hard not to feel behind on your peers and have the subsequent feeling you're missing out on something. The knowledge that you fail where your peers have no trouble (i.e. in romance, sex) will lead you to question yourself at the very least.

Not only that, but what people think of you is important contrary to what some people will tell you. In an extroverted world where networking is everything in getting ahead, including the field of DSR, having a large and supportive social network is important, and thus it's also important what other people think of you and tell others about you. Subsequently, if you're a loser in the DSR field, word will spread which will lead to a cycle of negative feedback wherein your lack of success is perpetuated. That, along with people think of you, will reflect on your thinking.

Besides this, humans are social creatures in general, and the feeling that no one cares will make you feel bad no matter what. They say you shouldn't value yourself on what others think of you, but it's hard not to, especially in a world where it's so important what others think of you and how socially successful you are.

All in all, I say that around age 20 lack of experience is a very big deal whether we like it or not.

It's hard for men only. Hardly gender "equality".

It shouldn't BE a big deal. It's only made into one as a consequence of certain societal influences and demands. The only thing for a man to do after the fact is to cut through the bullshit and call it what it is. Some people will be inflexible - but the last thing you should do is blame yourself for their judgements and assumptions.

For what it's worth, one of my brothers didn't start meeting women until grad school. He doesn't tell me much, but apparently he's getting along well enough with the current one. The first three, not so much. I suppose, you have to work at it, which takes time and involves risk, and when the risk to you is very high with no expectation of reward, it's only natural to feel as though there is no time or place. Probably the best piece of advice I ever got on the matter, is that there never really is a time or a place for that kind of thing.

It's only 'hard' for women because they keep making the wrong choices for a boyfriend, and then whinging about him.

I think you ask relevant questions atdlevel. In trying to find solutions it is necessary to consider the extremes of both ends. Referring to your initial post, I know what you mean. Other people "have problems too," but of a different nature and severity than what this forum most generally is about. What your getting at is, to me anyway, about what kind of people are left still civil after their 20s who don't have something wrong with them. Is it okay to be over 20 and not part of this cheap sex galore culture. Is it okay to have more important thoughts at the age of 19 and progress normally and be able to find anybody after 20. All I can say is, I sure hope so.