Hi everyone, I'm new. I recently discovered these terms "love shy" and "incel," but they perfectly describe me. I've read just about every guest-viewable post while waiting for my account to be validated and I related so much to everything I read it's almost scary. I usually feel like I can't relate to anyone. I'm 32 years old, I'm surprised it's taken me this long to find out what the word is for people like me. My romantic history has been characterized by the occasional lucky stumbling upon a relationship or sexual encounter, usually with at least 2-3 years of loneliness in between. I've never asked a girl out, I just wait until someone pursues me, which isn't very often.

Some time last year, I decided I was okay with spending the rest of my life alone. It has to be possible -- men sentenced to life in prison can do it. But recently I'm starting to feel torn apart by a girl that I would consider my current "oneitis." I work with her, and almost immediately after we met she threw me into her friendzone. Yet she's unintentionally cruel about it: she compliments me constantly, telling me I'm handsome, sexy, etc. If I weren't so seasoned at this, I might believe I have a chance with her. Yet she's drop-dead gorgeous and she knows it. She also has a boyfriend. Plus, she makes her intentions clear by giving me "advice" on attracting women (be yourself, be confident, etc). I'm sure she thinks she's helping but it only drives me crazy.

So after putting up with my shyness and avoidance for so long, I've finally decided to make an effort to change. This forum seems like a great place for support: everyone seems kind and articulate. I look forward to spending my nights reading these threads instead of crying into my pillow.

Welcome aboard. As someone who has overcome this condition (though has yet to meet with success), I have to tell you it ain't easy and will involve putting yourself outside your comfort zone a LOT. But once you get past it, whether you have success or not, it is like a breath of fresh air. You feel like you're not holding yourself back anymore. Good luck.

thanks, and hello. Well, actually, (and this is largely inspired by reading the suggestions on here) I've decided to join a gym. Believe me, that's far outside my comfort zone... I'm actually pretty terrified. I'm very thin, and I've always assumed lifting weights would be pointless, at least that's the excuse I gave myself. But after actually researching it, I learned that "ectomorphs" like myself can put on muscle, but significant change may not be seen for years. I really don't have anything better to do, though, so this weekend I'm going to stop in and sign up, and make time to lift during my week.

I don't think going to the gym, lifting weights is pointless. Yes some people put on musle easier then others, but if you eat right (lots of proteines) and work out correctly i'm shure every man can put on some muscle.

Also i would put some distance between you and that girl you work with as much is possible.

yeah, I've been looking into it, I need to be aware of how many calories and how many grams of protein I consume per day... I'm ready to commit to this, though, so I'm okay with that. I'm going to start tomorrow, and I'm sure I'll be sore all weekend.



now THAT will be a challenge. Despite my awareness of it being a "bad situation" or whatever, I can't resist her. I don't know how to describe it... I feel compelled to be near her, no matter how much pain it ultimately causes...

Welcome. Your story sounds a bit like how I could have seen my own playing out over the next decade. Maybe falling sporadically into something by luck every so often. But like you, i've never asked a girl out. Occasionally they'll show interest on their own, try to drop hints that they want me to pursue them, but, as I said a while back, it's as difficult as sticking my hand in a fire for 10minutes straight.

I have my own ideas on LS and treatment, or how to get around it. I might make a thread condensing it all soon.

You should consume about 2 grams of protein per kg of bodyweight (don't know exactly how much this is in pounds). For example, right now i weight 72/73 kg so 140-150 grams of protein a day is what i'm targetting at.

Welcome to the forum , hope it helps. As for your oneitis, cut her off. She's fucking with your mind: by keeping you in the friendzone on one hand and flirting with you on the other, she's helping you to create the illusion that friendship might some day become more, and usually it does not since women rarely change their mind about friendzoning you. It doesn't matter if she's doing it intentionally or not, it isn't good for you.

A second piece of advice is to not listen to dating advice from women: the role of women is different in the dating game, and so they can't empathize with your situation. Be confident and be yourself are both pieces of cliché advice. Being yourself doesn't work if people don't like who you are. And confidence can only be gained through success. How can you be confident in something you've consistently failed with.

On a side note, you have had some success and I congratulate you with that . Some of us are virgins aged 30 and beyond...

Welcome!